Taking a break...

In my first post of this blog, I said very clearly who the intended audience I wanted to reach was. I felt some kind of calling to reach out to those who love Jesus but for whatever reason felt that the True Jesus Church was no longer meeting their needs as far as helping them drawing closer to Him. In that blog post, I shared my own very personal reasons that I don't come to church very much anymore, mainly as a way of telling this intended audience that I know some of the things they've gone through.

So the audience for this blog was supposed to be very, very targeted. Neither Facebook nor Google have advertising filters (yet :P) that allow me "Show Content Only To People Who Love Jesus But Haven't Been To Church For A While" as a target, so I had to blast it to the Web. And unfortunately it got out much quicker and more widely than I'd expected it would.

Yesterday I received a looong email from one of my former RE students (as I said, if I can dish 'em out I need to be able to take 'em in). I mentioned two posts ago that I take the verse "the last shall be first and the first last" to heart, and this was another situation where this brother I once taught was now teaching me (or more accurately, schooling me :P). I'm thankful he wrote me. I appreciated the measure of  "salt" and "grace" that his email exuded, and that I could tell that the gentle correction came from a heart of love and respect for me and not out of a blindfolded defense of the church.

He said that while he didn't doubt my intentions were good, my writing was being passed around to youth and holy workers and was ending up being discouraging to some who are trying their best to serve God, as well as disheartening to those who themselves were still in church but on the verge of giving up. He said, quite rightfully, that some people, whether consciously or not, were focusing only on the negativity in what I was writing but for whatever reason (most likely human nature) weren't seeing any of the constructive things I suggested (which are there if you look for them).

That was never my intention. Not in the least. And if you fall under either of these categories I urge you to read the rest of this post carefully.

One of my favorite poems is from a Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel in the Canadian Expeditionary Force named John McCrae, written during the devastation of World War I.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Let's make a few things very clear. I have NOT given up on the church. If I had, I wouldn't be writing this nor any of my posts.

However, I have given up on my own ability to effect organizational or cultural change within the church. I tried my hardest, I really did. But at the end, nothing I said or did seemed to make any difference. I felt in isolation and pretty much useless to anyone. If, as many are suggesting, I just force myself to come back and serve again within the church, in my current state I would do no one any good and I might even do tremendous harm. This is my own personal failure, and one I will be accountable to God for.

For those of you who are still hanging in there working so hard for the Lord, I give you this message. Take up my quarrel with the foe. And let's be clear. The foe is not the IA. It's not the GA. It's not Pr. Yang, the chair of the IA, or for that matter any other brother, sister, minister, deacon, or elder. The foe is Satan.

Satan's #1 tool is to isolate and destroy. A hungry lion doesn't run into the flock. He looks for the little lamb that's to the side.

So please, look for that brother or sister that's sitting alone during lunch. Don't just make small talk. Don't spend 10 minutes with them and then leave because you've "done your duty". Be a true friend and brother and sister to them, just as Jesus left the group of people he was comfortable with and ate with people that everyone avoided.

Look for that newly baptized member who a week before baptism was showered with love and attention from all over but a week after baptism suddenly is sitting alone. Your goal in evangelism was not to get them to the waters of baptism, it's to get them to the shores of Heaven.

Look for that holy worker who is burdened and distressed. Don't just say to them "pray harder" or "read more Bible" or tell them they need to have more faith. Sit with them. Cry with them. Pray with them. Listen to what they have to say and don't stop until you feel true empathy and understanding for the deepest things they're going through in their struggles. Learn how to speak to them in a way that provides them more than lip service.

Look for that person who's no longer coming to church and reach out, NOT because it's your duty as part of "The Lost Sheep Patrol" to bring them back, but because you're a brother or sister that they know in their deepest being will still love them unconditionally regardless of whether they ever do step back in a church or not (and trust me, we can tell). And when they do come back to visit the church, don't say to them "I haven't seen you for a while" or "You should come back more often" before you even ask them how they've been (we hate that).

Look for the "bruised reeds" and the "smoldering wicks" among you. If you've ever built a campfire, you know what a smoldering wick is. It's that little piece of wood that flew away from the fire and is still pulsating with orange and red light. If a cold wind comes or a tiny drop of water falls on it you hear a sizzle and the orange and red turn to black in an instant. But if you take it gently, protect it from the wind, surround it with kindling, douse it with fuel, and blow on it ever so gently that tiny splinter of wood can not only ignite again but might even start a lot of other roaring fires around it.

You do that in your small corner, and I'll try to do it in mine.

I'm not leading a revolution. I'm not bashing the church. I'm just a middle-aged dork sitting in front of a computer sharing an alternative point of view, granted in a decidedly unfiltered way. If anything I say inspires you or challenges you or spurs you on to good actions, great, please don't just nod in agreement but pray and ask what you can do about it. If anything causes you distress or disappointment or causes you to be discouraged, and if nothing you read is helpful to you or your growth of faith I very respectfully ask you to please close your browser and don't come back. Hopefully you and I will find another venue where we can communicate in the future, but this is not the place for you.

For those of you who do stay, I'll say this: question everything I say. But not only what I say. Question everything, what you hear in sermons, what you read on Web sites, magazines and articles whether published by the church or not; and the words that any brother, sister, deacon, minister, elder, church board, human, or human organization say, regardless of how popular or unpopular their opinions are or where the prevailing winds are blowing. To question does not mean to disrespect, to doubt, or to challenge. It just means to think for yourself instead of being a baby bird with your mouth always open waiting to be spoon-fed what to think or how to think.

I'm not a parent quite yet, but I've observed that kids once they learn to talk ask a lot of questions. Mommy, why is the sky blue? Why is that man so smelly? Why aren't there anymore dinosaurs? Why does Johnny next door have more toys than me? The child isn't trying to be annoying. He's just on a search for truth. And as a parent, it might be concerning if a child sat quietly and never asked a question. You'd wonder if your child was growing.

You've heard of blind faith and you've heard of simple faith. There's a difference between the two. Blind faith never questions. Simple faith does. Blind faith follows the guidance of humans first. Simple faith follows the guidance of God first. A person with blind faith says, "God is on my side" while a person with simple faith says, "I am on God's side". A blind faith leads to atrophy and death. Simple faith leads to the heart of God.

Questioning is something I'm personally doing with the Pr. Yang situation. While my post may have seemed one-sided, the main reason I did it that way was because the other side was being heard very loud and clear and this one wasn't. I'll be honest, even now I'm still not sure which side is in the right, or if there even is a right side. In the past days I've received emails from people on both sides explaining their perspective of what happened. On the one hand I heard both sides recount, with absolute sincerity, the most disturbing, vile, treacherous and fruitless deeds of darkness about the other. But on the other hand, I know for a fact that brothers and sisters on both sides have a genuine love for the Lord and seem to me at least to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Was that an isolated case concerning yet another fallen minister? Or does that incident somehow reflect an existential danger to the very life of our church? I honestly don't know. What I do know is that something is wrong, and as a sister wrote to me, it's clearly a spiritual battle. It's not something that one blog post, or a Web site, or an announcement posted on the bulletin board will solve. All of us need to get on our knees and pray for wisdom and ask for everything to be brought to the light.

I'm going to hang up this blog for a little while. Don't worry, I'll be back, but this is draining a little too much of my time and energy...I have two big projects for work I have to finish and my poor wife who's 35 weeks pregnant has been patiently waiting for me to clear the second bedroom which is still a mess.

If you've emailed me, forgive me if I need to take some time to reply--but I have read your email and without exception I am deeply touched by your ability to be open and honest with me without fear of condemnation on either of our sides, I am thankful for your love and concern for me, and I cherish you as a friend and brother or sister in Christ. That is what it means to be in the kingdom of God.

One last request. In a few weeks a new little girl is coming into the world. If I may ask, in your prayers tonight or for the next few weeks, please pray for her. She is a miracle upon miracles, because her father should have died of cancer in 2003, her mother should have died from liver failure in 2012, and the odds have always been stacked against her. Pray that she and her mother have a smooth and safe delivery, but even more important, pray that she have a wonderful, blessed, and joyous life, and a church that will welcome her and love her unconditionally--no matter what kind of girl and woman she ends up growing into and no matter who her parents are.

And most importantly, pray for my little girl, so that she can discover Christ and become a friend to him, someone with whom she can speak face to face and who, even after I'm not there for her, can still comfort her when she's sad, can laugh with her when she's happy, can provide her with wisdom and sustenance for her life's journey, and can love her unconditionally even at those times when no one else will.

God bless you. If God wills, see you in a few weeks.