My name is Steve. If you went to the True Jesus Churches in Elizabeth and Hillsborough between the years of 1975 and 2004 or the church in Queens from 2004 to 2009, chances are you know me. You might also know me if you attended NYTSes or NLMSes during those years.
For those True Jesus Church members who don't know me, I'm your brother. My grandmother was a deaconess in the church in Nanjing, who loved the church so much that when the Communists came in she stayed behind in China to care for the flock while others were escaping to Taiwan. My mom was a deaconess in the church in Elizabeth who loved God and provided counseling to countless members. I was baptized in 1970 and I received the Holy Spirit in 1981. I started the AV system in the Elizabeth church back and recorded every sermon on audio cassette and then VHS tape. I taught E2, J1, J2 and Senior Class to the best group of kids in the world who to this day fill me with pride and joy every time I encounter one of them. I became an RE coordinator, was elected to multiple NCCs, was elected to the church board, and then after 9/11 I took a job with the General Assembly and the International Assembly.
And that's when I stopped coming to church.
I remember during one SSC, I was giving a talk to the kids and something struck me. I looked at my own peer group and realized that of all the kids I'd grown up with, over half of them left the church. Filled with concern for them, I gave them a warning that went something like...
Look to your left and look to your right. 10 years from now, half of you won't be sitting here anymore. Half of you will be gone.
I saw the panicked look on their faces. It was like Jesus when he told his disciples that one of them would betray him. "Is it me?" "Is it me?" And I understood their panic. Because in the eyes of the church culture, leaving the church was tantamount to betraying Jesus Christ.
Little did I know that I would be one of those 50%.
But being on the outside looking in now, something strikes me. I stopped going to church but I never betrayed Jesus Christ. In fact, I still love him, maybe more than I ever did. I love him because he loved me first. I love him because I still enjoy the blessings to this day of growing up in a home where his unconditional love prevailed over everything else. I love him because he was my mom's best friend, and I yearn to have the same kind of relationship with him that she did. I love him because after I lost mom and slipped into deep depression, he was there. I love him because he was with me when I got cancer and faced my own mortality for the first time. I love him because he has blessed me with a wonderful career and more-than-sufficient sufficiency. I love him because he answered my prayers and brought my perfect match to me, perfect even though she was completely different than anything I'd imagined. And I love him for the baby girl that's coming, a miracle upon miracles who I gave a feeling only give me a deeper appreciation of his love.
And something else struck me. Sure, there were people who stopped going to church because they "fell away". Maybe some of them did reject the grace of Jesus Christ and maybe they did renounce their belief in him.
But I have a feeling that there are far, far many more who still have a desire to love Jesus with all their heart and soul and strength and mind but found that not only was church not helping this, it was actually blocking them from doing so.
For me, these were the things in church that made me stop going.
I think the sermons are boring. There, I said it. If you go into any Sabbath sermon and look around after 20 minutes of the speaker droning on, invariably you'll see 80% of the congregation with their eyes shut.
I feel spiritually exhausted after a day at church. Ironically, even if I got the best sleep of my life during a sermon, at the end of the day at church I would more often than not feel spiritually drained. When I used to be a "worker", I'd just spend all my time in meetings and running around like a whirling dervish. And even these days, I observe workers who do the same thing, and it makes me guilty that I'm not running around just like they do. In either case I end up feeling spent, sort of ironic that the Sabbath is supposed to be a day of rest.
I often felt a sense of bondage at church. These aren't my words, these are the words of a friend of mine whom I brought to church many years ago. I was defensive back then when he said it but see now what he meant. In our supposed "Bible Studies", there aren't any original insights or thoughts--everyone just parrots what they think they're supposed to say. Sermons I hear today are carbon copies of sermons I heard 20 years ago.
I felt I couldn't fit into the mold anymore of how a "good church brother" should behave. A good church brother would never question the church leadership. A good church brother would never marry an unbeliever. A good church brother goes to church every week on time, never falls asleep in the sermons, can recite Bible chapters and verses at will, and the more work he runs around doing the better he must be.
I was made to feel that feeling these things meant there was somehow something wrong with me. Somehow if I fell asleep, it was my fault for not being "spiritual enough". Or if I didn't get enough out of a sermon, it's because I didn't pray enough so that God would open my heart. No one ever said this to me, of course. But it didn't have to be said.
I found the church to be less and less introspective. Here's a church that in its 40+ year history in the United States has baptized fewer members than the number of people that Jesus fed in one day, and a large portion of that was by having babies. I do not doubt that the Holy Spirit this church received is truly the promised Holy Spirit. And yet why is it that people from all over are not beating down the door to get in?
I felt powerless to change anything from within. Maybe it's partly my fault, maybe it's partly the church's, but for the years I spent as a church board member and as an employee of the GA and IA, I just felt powerless to do or say anything that would make a difference.
I could go on. But notice what I didn't say. I didn't say that I've rejected the gospel of Jesus Christ. I didn't say I disagreed with the church's doctrines. I didn't say I don't love the church and hope it is destroyed. There are going to be some who say that my writing these things proves how true these three statements are. But it's just the opposite. The only reason I write these things is because the exact opposite is true in all three cases. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ with my whole heart. I believe the revelations given to our church's founders were truly from God. And yes, I love our church, warts and all.
While I will write frankly about the church in this blog, that's not the purpose of my writing here, and the last thing I want to do is for this to be nonstop whining and complaining about the church. That's not going to help anyone. And I don't begrudge nor judge people who still go to church and still get something out of it every week. Thank God for that, in many ways I envy them.
But my purpose of writing this is to reach out to other "lost sheep" out there. I use this phrase tongue-in-cheek, of course, because chances are you're not lost at all. The church may brand you and me as "lost" because you stopped attending services, but if you still have a heart that loves him and deep down wants to serve him, the first thing you must do is rest assured that you're not alone. There are a lot of us out there. Perhaps one day the church will realize its flaws and fix them to the point where folks like us can be welcome again. But if not, I'm hoping perhaps we can encourage each other through cyberspace.
I'm going to do a little experiment and post this without telling anyone to see if anyone finds it on their own. Whether this post ever gets read by anyone is going to be up to the Lord and Google. But if you found it, and something in it resonates with you, feel free to leave a comment or give me ideas on topics you're interested in that you'd like me to blog about or you'd like to discuss. On the other hand if you found it and feel it's something dangerous that should be destroyed, don't worry, with my track record of keeping blogs up-to-date you have nothing to worry about.
God bless,
For those True Jesus Church members who don't know me, I'm your brother. My grandmother was a deaconess in the church in Nanjing, who loved the church so much that when the Communists came in she stayed behind in China to care for the flock while others were escaping to Taiwan. My mom was a deaconess in the church in Elizabeth who loved God and provided counseling to countless members. I was baptized in 1970 and I received the Holy Spirit in 1981. I started the AV system in the Elizabeth church back and recorded every sermon on audio cassette and then VHS tape. I taught E2, J1, J2 and Senior Class to the best group of kids in the world who to this day fill me with pride and joy every time I encounter one of them. I became an RE coordinator, was elected to multiple NCCs, was elected to the church board, and then after 9/11 I took a job with the General Assembly and the International Assembly.
And that's when I stopped coming to church.
I remember during one SSC, I was giving a talk to the kids and something struck me. I looked at my own peer group and realized that of all the kids I'd grown up with, over half of them left the church. Filled with concern for them, I gave them a warning that went something like...
Look to your left and look to your right. 10 years from now, half of you won't be sitting here anymore. Half of you will be gone.
I saw the panicked look on their faces. It was like Jesus when he told his disciples that one of them would betray him. "Is it me?" "Is it me?" And I understood their panic. Because in the eyes of the church culture, leaving the church was tantamount to betraying Jesus Christ.
Little did I know that I would be one of those 50%.
But being on the outside looking in now, something strikes me. I stopped going to church but I never betrayed Jesus Christ. In fact, I still love him, maybe more than I ever did. I love him because he loved me first. I love him because I still enjoy the blessings to this day of growing up in a home where his unconditional love prevailed over everything else. I love him because he was my mom's best friend, and I yearn to have the same kind of relationship with him that she did. I love him because after I lost mom and slipped into deep depression, he was there. I love him because he was with me when I got cancer and faced my own mortality for the first time. I love him because he has blessed me with a wonderful career and more-than-sufficient sufficiency. I love him because he answered my prayers and brought my perfect match to me, perfect even though she was completely different than anything I'd imagined. And I love him for the baby girl that's coming, a miracle upon miracles who I gave a feeling only give me a deeper appreciation of his love.
And something else struck me. Sure, there were people who stopped going to church because they "fell away". Maybe some of them did reject the grace of Jesus Christ and maybe they did renounce their belief in him.
But I have a feeling that there are far, far many more who still have a desire to love Jesus with all their heart and soul and strength and mind but found that not only was church not helping this, it was actually blocking them from doing so.
For me, these were the things in church that made me stop going.
I think the sermons are boring. There, I said it. If you go into any Sabbath sermon and look around after 20 minutes of the speaker droning on, invariably you'll see 80% of the congregation with their eyes shut.
I feel spiritually exhausted after a day at church. Ironically, even if I got the best sleep of my life during a sermon, at the end of the day at church I would more often than not feel spiritually drained. When I used to be a "worker", I'd just spend all my time in meetings and running around like a whirling dervish. And even these days, I observe workers who do the same thing, and it makes me guilty that I'm not running around just like they do. In either case I end up feeling spent, sort of ironic that the Sabbath is supposed to be a day of rest.
I often felt a sense of bondage at church. These aren't my words, these are the words of a friend of mine whom I brought to church many years ago. I was defensive back then when he said it but see now what he meant. In our supposed "Bible Studies", there aren't any original insights or thoughts--everyone just parrots what they think they're supposed to say. Sermons I hear today are carbon copies of sermons I heard 20 years ago.
I felt I couldn't fit into the mold anymore of how a "good church brother" should behave. A good church brother would never question the church leadership. A good church brother would never marry an unbeliever. A good church brother goes to church every week on time, never falls asleep in the sermons, can recite Bible chapters and verses at will, and the more work he runs around doing the better he must be.
I was made to feel that feeling these things meant there was somehow something wrong with me. Somehow if I fell asleep, it was my fault for not being "spiritual enough". Or if I didn't get enough out of a sermon, it's because I didn't pray enough so that God would open my heart. No one ever said this to me, of course. But it didn't have to be said.
I found the church to be less and less introspective. Here's a church that in its 40+ year history in the United States has baptized fewer members than the number of people that Jesus fed in one day, and a large portion of that was by having babies. I do not doubt that the Holy Spirit this church received is truly the promised Holy Spirit. And yet why is it that people from all over are not beating down the door to get in?
I felt powerless to change anything from within. Maybe it's partly my fault, maybe it's partly the church's, but for the years I spent as a church board member and as an employee of the GA and IA, I just felt powerless to do or say anything that would make a difference.
I could go on. But notice what I didn't say. I didn't say that I've rejected the gospel of Jesus Christ. I didn't say I disagreed with the church's doctrines. I didn't say I don't love the church and hope it is destroyed. There are going to be some who say that my writing these things proves how true these three statements are. But it's just the opposite. The only reason I write these things is because the exact opposite is true in all three cases. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ with my whole heart. I believe the revelations given to our church's founders were truly from God. And yes, I love our church, warts and all.
While I will write frankly about the church in this blog, that's not the purpose of my writing here, and the last thing I want to do is for this to be nonstop whining and complaining about the church. That's not going to help anyone. And I don't begrudge nor judge people who still go to church and still get something out of it every week. Thank God for that, in many ways I envy them.
But my purpose of writing this is to reach out to other "lost sheep" out there. I use this phrase tongue-in-cheek, of course, because chances are you're not lost at all. The church may brand you and me as "lost" because you stopped attending services, but if you still have a heart that loves him and deep down wants to serve him, the first thing you must do is rest assured that you're not alone. There are a lot of us out there. Perhaps one day the church will realize its flaws and fix them to the point where folks like us can be welcome again. But if not, I'm hoping perhaps we can encourage each other through cyberspace.
I'm going to do a little experiment and post this without telling anyone to see if anyone finds it on their own. Whether this post ever gets read by anyone is going to be up to the Lord and Google. But if you found it, and something in it resonates with you, feel free to leave a comment or give me ideas on topics you're interested in that you'd like me to blog about or you'd like to discuss. On the other hand if you found it and feel it's something dangerous that should be destroyed, don't worry, with my track record of keeping blogs up-to-date you have nothing to worry about.
God bless,
Steve
Hi Steve,
ReplyDeleteIt's really refreshing to see you post this. You may not remember me, but I was one of those students at SSC and what you said about half of us not being there really stuck in my mind, even to this day.
I left church a couple of years ago, outgrowing the confines of repressive thought and question-quashing so prevalent in TJC. When I speak to others that have left TJC after years of servitude, the vast majority of the time we leave for the same reasons you listed.
Ever since I stopped attending TJC, my life has been more meaningful and fulfilling than ever; my relationships with family and friends have been overwhelmingly positive and there is an abundance of love in my life that was never there while in church. I still cherish the friends and mentors provided me by TJC, and there is always a part of me that hopes for organizational change. The church needs to enable love, not expound judgment. Increase wisdom through encouraging thought rather than force unity through chipping away anyone who disagrees with the status quo.
Posts like these make my heart leap, and sheds hope that with enough voices, perhaps there will be change for the better. It's unfortunately that those most eager to improve and better the church are also most often pushed out or disheartened. It takes a lot of courage to speak freely about these things. Thank you for sharing your story and teaching me from SSC to this day, both in and out of TJC.
Hey In Greener Pastures,
DeleteFirst of all, thanks so much for taking the time to write the first-ever comment. And not just any comment, but one that's so "full of grace" and "seasoned with salt". I heard a lot of comments these past few days but your words are the ones that touched my heart and uplifted me the most. You say that I've taught you, but the funny thing is that in those years where I was privileged to teach you guys, it was you guys who taught me, and continue to do so to this day.
I do still have hope that one day we'll be able to go back to the fold, welcomed along with all the other little sheep and sheepettes that we've picked up along the way. But until then, maybe the best we can do is just to keep finding ways like this to reach out to reach other and encourage each other.
Until then, let's remember this one thing:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God bless,
Steve
Thank you for your insightful posts, Steve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Esther. :)
DeleteIt is utmost important never to leave Jesus Christ no matter what.
ReplyDeleteTJC is like a vein that restricts the normal flow of fluid through. There are good intentions of TJC emphasizing the narrow path. Over time, more particles are built by the wall of the vein. The pathway becomes narrower that is caused by the TJC Administration invoking silly protocols. Since the last 1990s, I have felt that TJC is going green that is recycling the past generations preaching verbatim.
At the same time, each individual can make our spiritual life more dynamic by us spending an hour or two a week to study or listen to Christian ministries that is available on-line.
This ended up much longer than I intended to....
ReplyDeletePART 1 of 3
Hi Steve,
So I was catching up on my emails/social media as I normally do while walking the 10min to catch my train for work when I stumbled across the FB discussion about your blog. I read the comments before I clicked on the link & before I knew that you were the author. I was intrigued by the thoughtful - emphasis on thoughtful - dialogue that it had started & I suspect that that was the intention.
When I clicked on the blog & started reading - I can't tell you the feeling that came over me. Excitement? Relief?
A lot of what you've written is how I've felt the majority of my life. Like you, I grew up in TJC, baptized at the age of 11 months, making my way through the RE system, learning the "right things" to say/do and feeling like I could never quite measure up to the expectations that God had for my life. I loved God bc I knew it was the right thing but also bc I had a fear instilled in me that I would die a horrible, miserable death in hell fire for all eternity if I didn't memorize bible verses, flip btwn chapters with lightening speed, live a God-approved life & receive the Holy Spirit. I am speaking solely for myself & this is entirely my opinion and how I felt through my adolescence - so maybe the misinterpretation was my own mistake but that is truly how I felt.
I struggled for a very long time with my faith. My teenage years & young adult life were filled with self-doubt, depression and an over-bearing sense of guilt that I even questioned the validity of what we were taught but I still couldn't bring myself to fully grasp what I supposed to be true. It's no secret that I missed a chunk of church during my 20's but I spent a lot of that time trying to figure out where I stood with my faith. I visited other churches but still there were things about our church that just felt right to me (ie - Saturday Sabbath, living water baptisms, etc). Finally, I decided that my relationship was just that - MY relationship with God. It's personal and it's my journey with Him. So if I was at TJC or another church & something resonated with me, I would take that & leave what I didn't agree with behind. I didn't want to take everything blindly as a truth from one source bc while I believe the intentions are good, these are interpretations by humans & humans are imperfect. I was careful to not broadcast my beliefs/disbeliefs as I was still sorting myself out and didn't want to be a "stumbling block" for others in the very likely case that I was wrong.
PART 2 of 3
ReplyDeleteThe last few years have really been eye-opening for me. I currently attend 2 churches - TJC and another that I started attending about 3 1/2 years ago when I accompanied a friend whose mother was terminally ill. They are wildly different from one another & to be perfectly honest - I wasn't sure initially that I could handle the way they run their services (loud from the worship music to the congregation shouting out to the pastor during sermons) but there was something in the actual message that spoke to me & stirred something inside. Unfortunately, my friend stopped attending church after the death of his mother (he's on his own journey) but I would go occasionally on my own when I found the time until finally about a year ago - something inside me broke & I realized that I could not walk through life w/my own agenda any longer.
I'll be honest & say that the eye-opener wasn't just that I loved/needed God but that I had also formed judgments about TJC as well. I felt like we were closed off, too exclusive and judgmental. I felt judged every time I showed up after a few wks/months of not being at service. I felt judged when I resigned from teaching RE after 10 yrs (but while I truly loved those kids dearly, I knew that it wouldn't have been right for me to continue teaching them when I wasn't sure what I believed in anymore). I am happy to say that I don't feel judged when I do attend service nowadays. Maybe I was never being judged or maybe now I just don't care what other people think. Or MAYBE it's because when I do attend service - my peers welcome me with open arms. There are no questions of "WHERE have you been? WHY haven't you come?" but genuine statements of "SO good seeing you. HOW have you been? HOW are you doing?". And while I personally wish our sermons were a little less theological & a little more practical - our English bible study has gotten really introspective, interesting & relatable.
There is always hope bc if God is in it, He will see us through it. There are people who feel the same way but those voices have been overpowered by those who are much louder. Who knows what will come of this blog but I am extremely grateful that you've started it.
PART 3 of 3
ReplyDeleteFinally, at the end of my massively long comment (my apologies) - I just want to make a few pts/raise a few questions that have always weighed heavily on me in no particular/organized manner:
- IMO, the Bible is not about the do's or don'ts of how to live a God-approved life but story after story about how much He loves us. Why are we so quick to pt out the flaws in others when we ourselves are imperfect? Why are we so afraid to discuss our imperfections? Why do we walk around pretending we're perfect when that is far from the truth?
"But He said to me 'My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
- What right do we have to even just un-welcome someone from the house of God when it's not our house? There is not one character in the Bible that is completely perfect with the exception of Jesus & yet there are plenty of examples for living a Christ-focused life to draw from. King David was considered a "good guy" but he was also an ADULTERER and a MURDERER and yet God loved him anyways.
- The Old Testament is about God's chosen people (which P.S. was not us - it was the Jews). It's not until the New Testament that a new covenant is formed. God sent His only Son to die for the sins of the world - for ALL of humanity without exclusivity of a "chosen group". He is the Creator of all, loves us so much that He gave us free will to choose and question Him with the hopes that we would realize just how much He loves us.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved" John 3:16-17
- When Jesus walked the Earth, the recurring theme was that He did not surround himself with ppl that were considered Godly or righteous but that He surrounded himself with the broken, the outcasts, the ppl that were considered unclean/unholy. His closest group of friends - the disciples were a ragtag group who came from broken pasts/mistakes. Who would even begin to judge someone when you have no idea what plans God has for them in their lives?
- As followers of Christ, we've been given the simple task of loving God & loving people. End of story.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31
I lied (apparently character counter doesn't work)
ReplyDeletePART 4 - yikes
Finally (last one, promise) - I can recall an SSC where we were having a group discussion. The question given was "how many of you pray daily?" A few people raised their hands. Next question - "What can you do to make sure you pray daily?". We went around & answers ranged from "set an alarm/make it a daily routine" & "start w/5min a day & eventually you'll get used to it". It got to me and I remember saying that I knew what I was SUPPOSED to say but in reality - I pray when I felt compelled and that anything other than that felt like I was just wasting God's time with my insincerity. The stares I got that day made me feel like an outcast but I look back on that time now and think - damn - I was braver back then at the age of 14. Even if I don't 100% agree with my response now - bc prayer is never a waste of time - I spoke up about something I questioned or wasn't sure about even when I knew it wasn't the answer that was expected of me. So consider this long-winded 3 part comment an attempt to voice my heart-felt opinions/questions and not an attempt to discredit anyone or go up against some things I necessarily disagree with.
We're all human, imperfect and at the end of our earthly lives - we only have God to answer to.
Joce,
DeleteI literally have tears forming in my eyes now, because from what you've written I can see how much you have grown in faith since the days you were in elementary school and wrote me the story of Fat Steve (and if you saw me now, you'd see that you had the gift of prophesy too :P).
I heard a wise man recently talk about Hebrews 8:11. In that verse it says in the new covenant, "no longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest". I see conversations like this as the fulfillment of of this promise. Because no one is here to "teach" another, we all know Him and have have Him in our hearts. We just need to share our experiences along the road and lift each other up. Which you have done for me here.
Thank you so much for sharing. I think what you wrote will help a lot of people, much more so than anything I write. Let's keep in touch :)
Nice Post Jocelyn! You show signs of a mature Christian. Christianity isn't about do this and don't do that, it is about Christ love for us, about returning to his love! Totally agree! That is why we should not have denominations, we are all one in Christ! Only pride and elitism causes division in the Christian community not just in TJC but Christian as a whole. That is why we need to look out of the well and away from TJC myopic view of Christ.
DeleteFirst of all, congratulations on your marriage and career. I'm really happy for you and glad that you will experience the privilege of being a parent soon! Every birth is truly a miracle. You're going to learn even more about God and taste more of his goodness through parenthood!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your candid thoughts on this blog. I'm sure you put in countless hours on this. I see that you are simply sharing your experiences and observations respectfully. I also see that you have three main motives: (1) to provide a safe haven and source of encouragement for other disappointed, discouraged, disillusioned believers to be connected; (2) to spur believers to be like the Bereans, who studied the scriptures themselves to make sure that what was being taught to them was in accordance to God's words; and (3) to get an honest, thought-provoking discussion going to spur us to action and improvement both individually and as a united, whole church.
I'm really sad that you experienced/felt those things that you listed above. I know that you are still a believer even though you are not running yourself ragged doing "holy work" or attending services with the frequency you used to.
I have had my share of unbelievable hurts and wrongs and I also share similar sentiments that you've expressed, but what keeps me going is not what I am going to get out of church attendance/involvement but rather what I can tangibly do to make others feel that they belong, are welcomed, loved, relevant, and cared for. Who else is going to sit next to the friendless, lonely believer or new visitor? Who else is going to greet the person who looks lost, uncomfortable, or out-of-place? Who else is going to notice the person who's in the depths of despair and depression? What drives me is the amazing grace, love, and mercy of God, which fills my cup to overflowing, that I cannot help but share it with others.
Your physical presence matters, my dear brother. Not only yours, but every single part of the body of Christ is indispensible.
So for mutual encouragement: "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Hebrews 10:23-25).
Hi Steve
ReplyDeleteIt took Moses 40 years to understand and figure out the urge inside his heart, took another 40 years before he was ready to be used by God. For many of us, we are along that path somewhere (either shielded in a palace somewhere, wondering in the desert and want to be away from everything, or is almost ready to be called by our Father in heaven to do something HE calls us for…. whatever that may be).
I had read some post by you and people responding to your post, it’s great, but I hope this ‘fellowship’ between the author and the respondent could go further than simply echoing on the net somewhere, create a tangible bonding among the lost sheep(s). Hopefully, you could pick them up as your sheep, looking after them like shepherd to the sheep, like Father to his daughter (congrat!), like brother to another brother or brother to another sister.
It’s merely what I could do – to offer my words of encouragement to you and to others that struggle to see past the worldly organisation – tjc. When you feel alone, you are NOT alone, for JESUS is by your side, only a prayer away and HE loved you so much HE cannot take his loving eyes off you, for HE loves you! He really do love you! …somewhere around the world there are also people experiencing what you’ve experienced, feel free to make contact should you wish, but whatever you choose to do, don’t give up on your faith, the Father – Jesus Christ that loves you before you were created.
Thanks for your comment Steve.
DeleteWhile I love your suggestion about reaching out to everyone who reads this blog, there are a couple things that are just a little impractical about it. First, I wouldn't presume to be a "shepherd" of anything, as we all have just one shepherd. I'm just one of the sheep, granted one who bleats more loudly than the others.
Second, I work in the digital space and one thing I've come to realize is that even while they call social media "social", it's about as anti-social a medium as there is. I think people get lulled into a false impression that "friends" are really true friends, "likes" are really meaningful likes, and communication is really deep when it usually isn't. So while I think blogs and discussion forums are great for keeping in touch, it only goes so far. I do agree with Phoebe's post above that there is no substitute for meeting in person.
I've already explained in a later post how going back to church regularly in the current state I'm in simply can't work for me at this time. I wish I could, but for reasons I explain in that post I can't. But thank God, I did find a handful of brothers and sisters near me who feel the same way, and with whom I've had the pleasure of spending a few Sabbaths recently. We're not looking to start a breakaway church or to do this in defiance of the church, we were all just so hungry for being able to "really" worship God again.
And that's what I'd suggest for anyone out there. As Steve said, there are more of you than you know. Find others around you and find ways to worship God together, even if it's once a month or once every few months.
Resist the urge to make every session about complaining, bitterness, and cynicism because that's playing into the hands of the guy downstairs. As Phoebe wrote in her comment, hold onto hope and spur one another onto love and good deeds. It doesn't have to be in a church building to "count"--where two or three are gathered in His name, He'll be there.
And if you're reading this and are in the New York metro area and would like to join our little group of "two or three" one Sabbath, post a comment here with your email address (I won't publish it, I'll just use it to contact you to give you more details).
Hi Steve,
DeleteGlad you posting something to "reach out", as I am not in the U.S. it is physically not possible for me to 'reach out' to people on that side of the waters, so what you are doing with others in the New York metro is exactly what I am referring to, you can be assured that what you guys are doing isn't the first and certainly won't be the last. In my recent visit abroad I have visited 'tjc' church not enlisted in any official capacity, yet we kept Sabbath service and fellowship in Christ, and they too are finding other lost sheep and honor God in whatever means possible.
You don't need to be a shepherd to do what you are doing, all you need is a genuine heart and the will to be more Christ-like in every way possible, and the rest - leave it to the Spirit of God, HE will do what he does best, move people's heart and gather the lost sheep in accordance with God's divine plan.
Should opportunity comes I will visit you guys in New York, as well as other places better leave unnamed, in the meantime keep up the good work, for this is what we are called for, should you guys need any resources from other parts of the world, please don't be shy to reach out.
Hi Steve,
ReplyDeleteI was referred to your blog by a sole family member still attending TJC (out of faith i presume and passive resistant to the BS going on). I have completely stopped going to church around 15 years ago and have no intention of returning for the exact things you pointed out, the "good brother" thing, the judgement blah blah.
I will be very honest and say I still harbor a deep seated hatred for the church as they ruined my formative years (teenage) by their methods. Now that I'm slightly older, a bit wiser, and when I look back, I cannot bring myself to forgive what they (the church) did to me and the damaged it caused on me.
All those years of being told to observe sabbath, be expected to do this and that have led me to think whatever outside the church was not desirable but truth is there is life outside church. I really cannot put aside the hurt and damage they caused and have since resolved to never return to the church or maybe until such a day I can put aside all the hurt but i think its impossible as I'm only human.
Thanks for writing the truth and nothing but the truth.
Regards
I, too, used to be one your students, and have learned from you. Thank you for taking the time to write your reflections and thoughts. It's comforting to know that other people feels the same way and are starting to speak out, regardless of the consequences. Even though it's sad reading about it, it makes me hopeful that there are still people who cares so much about the church and her members. Thank you :)
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